A Radical Shift in Tonality

A car horn blares its horn as it’s stuck behind an unloading truck in the middle of a tight road. Sirens wale, from far away as well as close, the 18th EMS vehicle pulls into the hospital across from the park in front of my window. My neighbors are yelling at each other again, like clockwork, one of them will arrive home and begin a new fight. This time was something about a melted spatula. It’s always a different fight ending up the same. I never hear them make up, but I suppose making up only ever really happens in the quiet.

Noise surrounds me, my work, my phone, construction at all times, the homeless man yelling at someone on the phone accusing them of using him for all he’s worth. Maybe it’s true, maybe he feels he’s no longer worth anything because someone decided it was so.

Suddenly, it all vanishes. Nothing is left. Silence. Trying to hold onto all the things I had learned as I pulled out of the Amtrak train station, the sounds becoming memories as I arrived in Pittsburgh. My father picked me up and my memories were suddenly being replaced with new ones. I approach my childhood home.

Quiet, at least at the moment. My room becomes a safe space for me, trying to deafen myself with noise-canceling headphones, an open window, and a closed door. This quiet was too quiet, I was still affected by the noise from the city. So I filled my quiet with a different form of noise. My phone was fastened to my hand and I could catch back up with the noise of NYC, see my friends all in passing and I could feel as if I was close to them.

This noise in my hand began to tell me that I needed to make noise to stand out. Make noise daily, sometimes 3-4-5-6 times a day. If you’re trying to grow you need to be as noisy as possible so people will hear you. But it’s not just screaming nothing, no, you must have something to say. You need to have an opinion on a particular subject and you must be an authority on a topic - no, not topic, niche. Do not fall behind, because it will have been a wasted opportunity if you do.

I changed. I worked to adapt. I treated this noise as a necessity, and even though it felt alien to me I tried everything to make it a part of Matt Piper LLC. Simply a part of the business. I tried to do it all myself, I couldn’t wait for someone else’s help, because the best time to start is now. Actually, it’s only the second-best time to start now. And so, having posted over 200 posts and having 1600 followers, you begin to wonder, “How long have I been doing this to myself? Why am I still? What is this really for? Do I really know any of these people like I say I do?”

The answers I found to these questions were so outside of everything I had been learning about myself. Nothing fit. I had no desire to be a part of a noise, a noise that for so long was explained to me as the number one way to get to where you want to go. Perhaps… perhaps that’s true, but perhaps not. When I look at the individuals whom I aspire toward, a common thread reveals itself. They do not listen to this noise, they do not even have access to this noise, they have stepped away from it themselves. They’re quiet, not because they aren’t speaking, but because they listen more, and choose what they wish to listen to. When they speak, they speak from a place of intentionality and purpose. Not speaking to speak, speaking to improve upon.

Quiet, once again, quiet. In an instant, that felt like many inspired moments, I finally let go. I released my grip, my ego, and I left that which was noisy. Dissonant. Dissonance made only worse by my being there. Now I sit in a room where I can truly listen, a place where I can play with frequencies, pitches, and volume. A place where I can make my own noise… or none at all.

But our world is not our world without dissonance. There are no perfect scores or measures, we’ll find many more noises to contend with, or maybe confide in. Sirens who sing their song, angels that guide with a trumpet, stories told, feelings transmuted, transferred, implanted unsuspectedly into its victims. Different instruments play and new instruments are found and created. I suppose I’m just learning much more about my own instrument. You start with the sounds, the notes, and then the instrument itself later in a human experience. I realized that maybe the instrument I have is not one to play the notes of a noise like that, I don’t truly sing when I play alongside this company. Maybe I play better in quartets and solos instead of orchestras.

I won’t find out unless I step into something new and begin to play, begin to sing. This peace is my own. This quiet is my own. This life is my own. I seek to create music that I wish to play and decide more on my own what noises to consume. I wish to tune my instrument and fight negative dissonance within our world. A low hum causing contempt. And with my instrument, I hope maybe I can play alongside that hum to create an entirely new melody, a new positive undercurrent. But first, that takes listening.

Much love today and every day,

Matt Piper 🐅🌱

mattpiper.org