A Reflection, and a Quick Week Ahead

Hello and welcome back I’m just going to warmup a little bit here

I love writing these outside first. I get to come back to earth for some time, lay close to my soul, soak up what’s truly relevant before I go back to these strange games we as human have deemed necessary. I’m having fun though. These past couple of weeks could definitely be deemed as a success.

Unfortunately I won’t be able to say much, but I booked a commercial. So if you were ever wondering why I didn’t show up in you email inbox last Monday at 11:00am ———there’s your answer. It was a rush casting so it was excitingly quick: I hear about it Tuesday, auditioned Wednesday, got a text from my agent saying the client wanted to call that Thursday at 12:00pm, got the greenlight on Thursday to drive out excruciatingly early on Friday and Sunday for a really fun shoot. More details to come.

I’ve been finding a much closer set of friends lately. I feel as if I’m sort of starting to develop a bit of a community. It’s moments with my friends where I can allow myself not to feel shame in a lack of movement, or career movement to be specific. I don’t even know if I can call it that. All things move forward within something, so maybe rather than call it a lack of movement. I’ll say this. Spending my time with folks I truly love makes the unknown something to cozy up in as opposed to something to fear. I can make logic out of many things, but to experience life fully isn’t to make life logical. It’s simply meant to be experienced. I’m thankful to friends who have made this feeling possible.

It’s funny the iron in this next reflection but I have been working like an absolute ravenous animal. Mostly, this description is for the self that goes to the gym in this particular instance. I think there’s something to be said about gaining a deeper consciousness within the moments of life that all moments become remarkable. That has been relevant to me as I approach the gym. Right from the naval, my fire chakra explodes as I enter the gym and allow every bit of my masculine energy to surface as I wrap my tearing hands around the metal barbell, prepping for a really fucking shitty time. I aim to absolutely demolish the self, kill what ego I have, and leave it panting, sweating, lying on the cold hard gym floor.

Let me switch it as well. Because what I kill, or, rather, destruct, destroy, break apart, is only the greatest opportunity that I have to rebuild. It’s a controlled forest fire to destroy invasive species, as well as prep the soil with the ash for newly discovered life.

I did say kill the ego, but I do feel it might operate outside of analogy. I think it feeds off destructive energy like that. But I have felt in the past couple months that the ego is not meant to be killed. Ego has such a bad rap from terms coming out like “Ego death” or “Kill the Ego” I’ve said things like this before, like the paragraph before last.I do believe though the ego is meant to be nurtured. I think there’s an opportunity to work alongside the Ego. It’s very similar to me as hiding away from all that’s negative about yourself. Hiding from these things don’t make them better, and one day waking up from a frigid night terror and announcing that the past self is no longer alive anymore isn’t really something you can just up and do. Instead it’s being pushed down, and rather than killing it, you give it this nice shadowy, warm incubator. It grows like a fungus, and until you open that door and face what’s in there is the only time that you can figure out how to handle it. That to me is similar to Ego.

Negative qualities can be unlearned as they were taught to you within life, but ego is a part of you as a human being, it’s a necessary integration that we’ve come so readily equipped with to live. A want to attach the self onto something meaningful and long lasting. I could go much further into detail on Ego but I’m exhausting the time I have to write this. The ego wishes to live, and it fights very hard for it where we feel like we are out of control, us, the self. We lose consciousness and drift to what we think ego can achieve for us, when it is necessary for the SELF to be the one in control. I feel many of us on this planet have an out of control ego, but I feel also there are other who try to kill it so aggressively. I wonder, and I’m the experiment I suppose (as I often subject myself to experiments) if there might be an opportunity to rule alongside this body with Ego. I wonder if there could be some great power to be derived from that. I guess sometimes I think about superpowers but I know in my heart it’s greater than that.

I guess all of that to say that I’ve definitely been putting my ego into place at the gym. So let’s move ahead into what this weeks gonna look like.

Matt’s Week Ahead

• I’d like to get back to posting something daily on instagram.

• Getting back into a proper schedule.

• Prep myself mentally and systematically to get back into posting onto Twitter again daily. I can use simple one liners from stuff I write in my long form.

• Continue destructing the self at the gym.

• Enjoy my time with friends.

• Enjoy it all. Have fun.

That’s all from me my friends

Much love today and everyday.

Matt Piper 🐅🌱