Write a word, delete it, think of a new word, grab a new thought, replace it, take your time thinking of something entirely different, choose a new selection of words, misspell it, judge it, and delete it, take it out on yourself, judge yourself, call yourself names, then go back to the drawing board.

Nine years ago, I started REALLY writing for the first time. Before that, I wrote papers in English class, History class, and in Math class, even wrote extended responses, “If the apple was eaten by Tom, then there would only be 3 apples left, but it depends, right? Because if he ate ‘the apple’, how much of the apple are we assuming that he ate? 1/3rd? 2/5ths? Because then it would be different.”

I’m just kidding, I was never in a math class where it got that complicated. Tom always ate the entire apple, leaving me with 3 whole apples left… if I was lucky.

All of this writing was not for me. It was for a grade, and writing gave you a grade that was either good or bad, depending on whether the teacher thought you did a good job or not, following (maybe) a rubric made by a group of teachers.

My very first English teacher in college was different, though.

She taught me probably one of the most valuable tools that I’ve taken with me since Freshman year. And it wasn’t even her tool.

It was Julia Cameron’s.

I’ve written about this before, so you can take a look at those past posts if you want, but I think when it comes to how it has affected my writing journey with my book now, it’s pertinent again.

Art is a step in the direction toward unconditional love. An act of being selfless, giving something of yourself without asking anything in return. It’s the craft of giving energy to something in front of you, and knowing that the more you put into it, the more that something could grow for the benefit of all

Art to me is about trust, it is about allowing a vision to play out, to observe and to collect, and to simply let that vision live. It’s about visiting your art multiple times over so that the vision can grow more defined and more true to itself.

But to get to that point, you must release judgment.

But, how do you do that when the voice inside your brain is telling you just how shitty you really are as an artist, and lays claim to the waste that is your brain, plants a flag in it, and states, “You’re a joke!” Very loudly, and very distantly. It feels so real!

But that voice is not you. That voice does not make up you. It’s a part that may be trying to protect you, but it’s a part that is protecting you from a danger that is not really there. A reaction to the things that you have seen before, horror stories of artists before you, images of American Idol that play in your head of people you called delusional (I did it too!)

But how would you ever know if you’re any good at something if you don’t try? Not only that, but if you didn’t try so hard? Not only that, but if you didn’t try so hard, for so long, for multiple different audiences, and with multiple different materials? How could you know?

You wouldn’t. So, rather than suffering under the weight of the boot that is this “part” trying to protect you, you need to show that part that you are actually safe.

A way to do this is the Morning Pages.

What I want you to do is this.

-If you are utilizing a computer, open up a blank document and get ready.

-If you are utilizing pen and paper, open to a blank page and have at least two pens. One extra, just in case the one you’re using dies.

Start off small by putting 6 minutes on the clock. You’ll have a minute to get your hands ready, a minute to let go of everything that might be holding you back from the moment that you are in right now.

Because then, for 5 minutes, I want you to write.

-COMPUTER - You are not allowed to backspace, and you must keep your fingers moving as much as you possibly can. Write quickly, make mistakes. If you have a program where you see a lot of reds and blues for all your grammatical errors or misspellings, you can either turn it off, or if you feel you can, you can turn off your screen’s brightness entirely, making it fully black. But you’ll still be writing. Look at your hands if you’d like. (BONUS: It’s easier on the eyes if you’re not looking at a screen, right? eh? eh?)

-PAGE - Don’t place your pen down for the next five minutes. With a pen, you’re not allowed to delete your mistakes, but also, do not cross anything out either.

For this writing, if you write “bah bah bah bah bah bah bah” like a babbling child, then DO IT, don’t judge it.

If you write “I have nothing I really want to write about and that’s perfectly alright I’ll just allow my self to dstate at the screen for so long and then that’s cool too right ? Matt is going to be mad at me what? No he’s not he’s literally non judgemententalt so like don’t even worry about it, he want syou rto write and make art anyways so like what would be the fucking point if he wrere to jusdge you for that… I think you’re overthinking this? Yae maybe but like… ok no you’re right.”

Just take a trip, and write the physicality of writing. Keep the stream steady.

Know that though the two different examples seem contrasting, in this exercise, both have the SAME value.

That’s what we’re working on accepting. That “bah bah bah” AND “Art is the meaning of life and here is why” and you write out a whole argument that really tickles your brain, shares value.

Both have value.

But you wouldn’t be able to get to that writing if you didn’t allow yourself the opportunity to write in the first place.

Over the course of nine years doing this, I do not know how many words I’ve written, but there are so many magical things that I have in my notes that I’ve never released, that I think are some of the most life-changing things, FOR ME.

I’m here now to share many of the things I’ve learned in life, but the 'Morning Pages’ was the tool that I used to work so many things out in life. Never have I made such a gigantic leap or change in my life without talking it through in my ‘Morning Pages.’

I played out scenarios, I spoke in different voices, found evidence against a choice, and found evidence for a choice.

It’s been a place of anger many times, but it’s also been, even more so, a place of hope for me.

As a side note, I write these pages on the computer, and I will say, the added bonus of keyboard skills and getting very fast at writing on a keyboard with as much accuracy as possible has been valuable in my job that writes maybe 30-60 emails a day.

I include that for those who are driven to find every justification possible, because there is genuinely no downside to starting a daily writing practice.

One thing that MUST be remembered about the ‘Morning Pages’—about art in general, really, and the creation of it:

It is a practice.

You will improve, but you will also find times when it is extremely difficult to write anything. There will be stretches of time when “bah bah bah bah bah” might become the norm; it is important to be present with it, because, like everything, there’s a reason why it’s saying what it’s saying.

Unconditional love for the work that you put into something, for the craft that you are working on, is both allowing something to simply exist and having complete gratitude for it BEING there, as well as giving toward its growth without desire for return. In an understanding that what it gives will be more than you could take alone.

It’s the giving that is the most beautiful part.

It’s the process that is the most beautiful part.

Giving gives without being given.

The process gives without being given.

So write without judgment for what it is that you are giving. Because you showing up is enough. Your craft will thank you for it.

As I step into my morning process every morning, the first thing that I do for myself is write my morning pages.

I take this as a warm-up in presence, being with my thoughts, and stepping into non-judgement in my craft for the day. I used to write 31 minutes but have begun cutting it down to 16 minutes, as I have been trying to fit more within my day.

Because now, after writing 16 minutes, I step into writing 1,000 words in my book. The goal is the same, but a little bit more focused.

In my morning pages, I could jump around as many times as I want from topic to topic and I would be perfectly alright with it.

In my book, I am working on pulling a single thread, and trying to maintain my touch the entire time on that thread. But the way I write is very similar.

I work very hard not to delete anything, I take visions simply as they are, and I accept when something feels so underwhelming, or a character does something that makes me go “ehhhh, maybe not” but I don’t delete it, I will see it for what it is and I will leave it.

Within 26,992 words, I have so many little “happy accidents,” as the late Bob Ross would say, but each one is information to my work. To my book, as it has already been happening, I imagine that by the time I reach 90,000 words I will know my characters very well. Because that’s all it is, I’ve just spent time with them.

Editing will be a different story, and it will be interesting to learn it. But I’m not there yet, and it will be a different season of thought and musings. Stay tuned, maybe in a few months even.